The Blessings of Self Care and Cracking the Myth of Achievement

It has been almost three months since my revelatory meditation experience in Umbria, Italy and I am happy to share the changes that I’ve made in my life and within myself.

First of all, I am so grateful for the many patients, friends, and students who have reached out after my Confessions of a Workaholic post. Thank you for your kind words of support and encouragement. Many of you have also told me that my post prompted you to reflect on your own life!

I began my changes by writing letters of apology to my wife and also to my children telling them that I regretted not being present when they were growing up. I apologized for taking my parents, my brother, my wife, and other family members for granted. I also reached out to my close friends and apologized for neglecting to stay in touch.

I feel so blessed because I’ve received nothing but loving support from my entire family, business partners, colleagues, and everyone at our offices for my new lifestyle changes. On the work front, I am now working less than 50% of my previous 10-hour per day schedule. I have stopped multitasking and I am now better able to be present, focused, and attentive to each of my patients.

However, I’d be lying if I told you that I don’t feel guilty because I do—especially when many of my patients have told me that they are having a hard time getting an appointment to see me. When the feelings of guilt appear, I remind myself that I can be a better doctor for my patients when I am taking better care of myself.

I recall that when I was an ambitious young man on a mission to succeed, I read a book called The Richest Man in Babylon. The essence of the lessons in that book was “pay yourself first before paying others.” All these years later, I’ve finally put that principle into practice but I have modified it to “take care of yourself before taking care of others.” Well, as it turns out it isn’t riches that I am after but the joy and health that comes from self-care.

On the personal front, I have been logging an average of eight hours of sleep at night—more than I’ve had in a long time in spite of advising everyone that sleep is critical for good health and longevity. Each morning, before I leave for work I practice my tai chi and qigong, I meditate, and walk, bike and row.

The wonderful thing is that our adult children are great cooks so everyone has been taking their turn at making delicious healthy meals. My middle daughter is a farmer who bakes amazing sourdough bread and brings home loads of fresh veggies that my wife juices with ginger and turmeric. My oldest daughter makes all kinds of super creative whole-grain bowls with beans, legumes, veggies, nuts, and seeds. I’ve also been experimenting with creative recipes and have been enjoying making fresh hemp seed milk along with other nut and seed milks that are rich in omega fatty acids.

I am so grateful that so many people around me have stepped up to take care of the many tasks that I felt I had to do when in reality, I should have been empowering and trusting others to do their jobs. The truth is that I was … well, sort of a control freak. I wanted to control the outcome of everything but in the process, I was running myself into the ground. I did not know that I was overdoing it because I really did enjoy doing everything, but in the end overworking took a toll on my relationships and my wellbeing.

I also reflected on my Personality Element and thought that I had actively evolved from my younger authoritative Wood Element (aka Type A personality), to an older wise Water Element (aka mellow and thoughtful personality) when in fact I was not being honest with myself. I had to take ownership of myself in order to truly change my core Element personality. (Take the Element Personality Quiz and read my Live Your Ultimate Life book.)

Now, I realized that workaholism—the obsession to achieve is an addiction. It’s no different from being addicted to a substance although, in my mind, I justified it by believing that I was being productive! Although overworking is subtle, just like substance addiction it appropriated all my time, energy, and resources.

Naturally being productive in one’s life is important, especially when you are actualizing your life’s purpose and fulfilling your gifts. However, when the pursuit of productivity becomes extreme and all-consuming, it’s no longer healthy. I have come to see that I fell into the trap of “success” that I had set for myself.

I am now living a more balanced life, coming home for lunch every day, walking and playing with our beloved dog Bodhi and spending more time than ever with family, friends, and personal interests. I’ve begun to go back to writing poetry, practicing Chinese calligraphy, and plan to take up more gardening.

I am humbled by the speedy results of my change. My awakening came at a critical time when I saw that a cliff was looming ahead. If I had just plowed ahead like usual, I am sure I would have fallen off the edge with grave consequences, but instead, I made the decision and commitment to pull back and my life is much better as a result.

Most importantly, I have never felt more fulfilled in my life, despite achieving so much less by my old standards. This is a paradox. The urge to do more comes up often, but I have tools to quiet the temptations and I am mindful that I have the power to decide how I want to spend each moment of my life.

Today, I am happier, healthier, and freer! For that, I wouldn’t go back to my old workaholic ways! If you are on the fence about making self-care a priority, I highly recommend that you try it and let me know how it turns out.

Sending you hugs and kisses and wishing you a truly joyful and healthy holiday!

Thank you!

-- Dr. Mao